Top Five Solutions to Holiday Card Guilt

The first holiday card of the season arrived from my friend Trudy, just five days after Thanksgiving.

The day before that, Denise asked for my current address. She confirmed it was for a holiday card mailing.

Both of these women have children and they are able to get holiday cards out EARLY?! 

Guilt is mounting!

My Top Five Solutions:

1. Buy myself some time by sending out “Happy End of Remodeling” cards sometime in the Spring of 2012. 

2. Buy a pack of cards and only send them out to those who send us one, as long as they include a legible return address.

3. Gather all the post cards from vacations that I never sent to anyone and mail those out to anyone who sends us a card.

4. Send out “ECO” cards to everyone with an email address. Call or send a card to the two people I know who don’t own computers.

5. Call everyone during the day when they are at work and leave them an 8 second Happy Holidays greeting. 

Are you sending out holiday cards this year?

Overnight Guests

We don’t have a table to eat at anywhere in our house but you are welcome to stay over. You’ll get your own room and bathroom in your own private wing of our house. In the excitement of having guests over we sometimes forget to explain that it is the “construction wing” with only a couple of working lights and no heat.

Our first guests, Angela and Arun, got to sleep on the blow-up bed but out in the open “family room” on top of the saw dust. Angela said the accommodations were fine but she worried that she would wake up to a deflated bed, which had happened to her once. The comforter kept her warm, except for her head. Her recommendation is to bring a hat and warm pajamas.

By the time our second guest came, Steve, we had the bed set up in the official–for now–guest room with the plants and cement board. Steve recommends not drinking too much water before bed. It’s a long, cold and potentially dangerous walk down the stairs, around lumber, tools and stereo equipment to the bathroom.

Our third guest, Will, couldn’t access his email at DIA to retrieve our new address after a very long flight from Eastern Europe. He slept in his rental car in front of our old house, just a block away. Guess it made for a quick and quiet departure when he headed back to the airport at 4 am. He didn’t wake us up at all. Will recommends writing down our address the old fashion way… with pen and paper.

Shelly was going to be our next guest but the thought of sleeping on a bed with sheets, pillow and comforter was too luxurious. She demanded we let her sleep on the mini leather couch with a midnight transfer to the hardwood floor, like she always does at our house, or she was going elsewhere. Sadly, we didn’t get to see her. Shelly recommends a good night on a mini couch, where your arms and legs hang off the ends, or the solid wood floor to help you remember why you paid so much for your mattress.

Elisabeth is coming in a couple of weeks to stay overnight and it may have possibly slipped my mind to tell her that she signed up for the “camping package”. I’m pretty sure she likes camping though, so it will be a fun surprise.

Do you participate in these scams?

Ok, if you are not addicted to FaceCrack just skip this and move on to the next post.

If you do have a Facebook account perhaps you can explain something to me. Personally, I think it is a scam: clicking on some link a million times a day or putting a flower in someone’s pretend garden in an effort to make the world a better place. 

Seriously, I don’t get it. 

Sure, after someone sent me a gift whale I got a message to sent a sea creature “gift” back to save the sea, so I obliged. The next thing I know my facebook inbox is full of strange gifts from several friends that I needed to “accept” or “ignore”.

I like real gifts but fake tufts of grass and whales that look like stickers I collected in fourth grade (hey, whales don’t have teeth) really don’t make me feel special. In fact, I think a fourth grader made this stuff up.

Want to make me feel special for real and save the earth? Come over and cut the real tufts of grass that keep growing around my house with one of those old school blade mowers or take me out for sushi (I promise to only eat earth friendly fish). 

The second scam that perplexes me is all about “contributing” to causes like feeding starving people and reducing polution with a click, or two hundred clicks, of your mouse. A friend of mine signs up for a new cause to “donate” to every other day. She is super smart, works really hard, has a family and is a deeply compassionate person. She wants to do more to make our world a better place and clicking is easy and free-ish (only a slightly higher utility bill from additional time on the computer).

But I don’t get it! All I have to do to save the starving people in Darfur is click on a button I’ve added to my Facebook account? Will someone send them cans of Chunky stew and a can opener in a gift box? Hopefully, they don’t do an air drop.

Dishing out soup to the homeless (not my thing, actually) or mailing in my hard earned credit to a charity makes sense. “Making a difference” on facebook before, during and after dinner, by clicking on a drawing of a carrot to help feed the starving children in a country I know almost nothing about doesn’t make sense. Does it? 

The other day I am listening to NPR and they start talking about being able to donate with a click of the mouse. “Goodie!” I thought, they are going to do a news feature on this Facebook scam. Nope. They just wanted me to send money, my real money, and all it took was a click of the mouse. 

Everyday I feel like I am living a science fiction movie set in some bizarre twilght-zone-ish futuristic society. A society where we enjoy fake plastic plants (like the one behind our couch… you thought it was real, didn’t you?), fake twinkie food (sugar is one of my favorite drugs of choice), fake fires (ok the fire is real but the logs are fake) and fake donating (why have I been sending in real money?) just to make ourselves feel warm and cozy without any real benefits occurring. 

Speaking of, all this warm and cozy talk on a cool fall day has put me in the mood for one of those creamy International Foods flavored coffees, a fuzzy polyester fleece blanket and one of those modern fireplaces that I can hang on the wall. Maybe I should stop sending in real donations and get with the future of clicking. Click. Click, click for a friendlier, more beautiful virtual universe.

Who is Saving The Green

A theoretical environmental capitalist is what I am. I like stuff, I hate hassle and I like being “green”.

My idea of environmentalism is buying a pair of organic cotton jeans that will fit when I lose 10 pounds but I cannot comfortably wear right now, so I go to that place in the mall and buy two non-organic pairs of jeans that do fit right now. Being eco for me is buying recycled paper towels that I use to cover my prepackaged food when it goes into the microwave and recycling most of the packaging from the stuff I buy on amazon, unless it requires too much dismantling, whereby I just toss it in the dumpster.

I want to be a good environmentalist but my efforts don’t come close to the true savers of the planet. Who are these modest but authentic Greenies?

The true eco practitioners among us are those ultra thrifty, super frugal types. The type that are so thrifty and so frugal that they make extra effort to reduce their use (so as not to spend more money) and reuse and reuse and resuse things that aren’t meant to be reused (so as not to spend more money) and look for things to recycle (so as to make money). 

The three Rs of being eco should not be given equality on that little green triangle but should be graded in order of environmentalism. Reduce gets the most points followed by reuse, then recycle and a fourth one should be reinvest (my favorite).

True story:

 At the end of a party friend’s mom saves the melting stick of butter that is barely wrapped in paper. She gives the melting butter to her daughter-in-law to take home but asks to have back the little plastic plate (a thin throw away party plate) the butter was on and collects all the plastic silverware to wash when she gets home. Now that’s a serious environmentalist who wouldn’t claim–or even want to claim–she is one!

True story:

We had all our ugly maroon colored gutters taken off our house, never to be put back on but instead replaced with new and prettier gutters. One morning a guy is digging in the construction dumpster in front of our house. The next thing I know Josh is helping the guy carry all the gutters to his truck. Josh also found some other metal junk in our shed to give him and the mirrored closet doors that no one else seemed to want to take. Awesome! I love living in the city!

True Story:

A friend in the neighborhood who is remodeling her house said that the meth addicts take her scrap metal if it is left out and recycle it for cash. At least it is getting recycled.

True Story:

Instead of throwing out plastic grocery bags if they have holes, a neighbor tapes the holes so she can use every single one for picking up dog poo. She also keeps a bag in the backyard and only tosses it once it is full. That is another super star Greenie. If I had a dog my green plan would be to train it to poo in the compost pile… actually, that smells like a bad idea.

Me?

I’ll keep doing my part on the eco chain… “reinvesting”. I’ll keep buying products made from recycled products and buying new products that are eco. I don’t rack up many eco points this way but I’m helping the economy, right?

 

Creative Environmentalism

Facecrack? Crackbook?

Although I cannot remember what Tanya called it, I had to agree. 

My previous ownership of a “Crackberry” did nothing for me since I had to keep asking Josh to make it do what I wanted. I could not figure that thing out. My first generation iphone, however, is easy and a thing of beauty  (I’ll get a new one when they add a copy/paste feature ) I wouldn’t call it a “Crackphone” though. It just works, easily.
 

Friends kept saying I should join Facebook and I kept getting email invites, which I deleted. 

Something, someone, somehow prompted me to join. It has become my crack… friends, pictures, notes, maps, links, supporting causes, etc.
 

On Facebook there is a “twitter-like” feature. I hated the idea of Twitter–a whole system devoted to updating people on a minute to minute basis about what you’re doing. “Just finished brushing my teeth. Wow, that felt great!” Are you kidding me?! I got rid of that account about 2 seconds after realizing what it was.
 

Now that I’m on Facebook, damn if I don’t enjoy reading what people are doing during a minute slice of their day. I know Amy wakes up around noon every day (what the?!) and Ashley has been sick and Jennifer (whom I haven’t seen since 1991) just got back from Cancun. I don’t update mine very often cause I don’t want people to know how frequently I’m actually checking my page. 
 

Crack I tell ya. Crack. Just say no if someone wants you to join. Don’t feed into the peer pressure (if you do give in, be sure to invite me to be your friend).

The Life Changing List

At a party tonight, I met a fellow list believer. We high-fived a couple of times in our excitement at the discovery. 

I’ve been preaching about the miraculous benefits of “the list” for years and I might have one particular non-believer friend finally convinced. Might.   

Most people I’ve met are either enthusiastic believers of “the list” or enthusiastic non-believers. Those who do believe in “the list” know it works. It really, truly works and it has worked for them. I know of several success stories, including my own.
 

A great place to give the list a try, and where most people start, is the “relationship list”. The idea is to write out everything you want in a partner and the relationship. 
 

The key is to write everything down that you DO want (leave off negative statements). To make them even more powerful, write them in the present tense. 
 

EXAMPLE:

1. I am living with a man/married to a man who enjoys outdoor sports and at least one of the sports I enjoy.
 

2. I am in a loving relationship with a man who has his own large circle of friends.
 

A cousin of mine wrote out her list to include 43 items. Shortly after writing the list she started dating the man who would become her husband. He is 42 out of the list of 43 items she wanted.
 

The list is really about discovering what it is we truly want (everyone is different) and giving ourselves permission to ask for it. I’ve found that the non-believers feel the list will “limit” them and deep down they don’t believe they deserve what they really want. 
 

One time I started writing a list for my perfect career. I caught my self changing the list to meet society’s expectation instead of really asking for what I wanted. Where is that list anyway? Maybe I will write a new one. One that includes making loads of money.
 

Writing out a list of wants for whatever is pressing in our lives–relationships, career, family, vacations, travel–is a great way to gain clarity.  Just remember to put it away to let it percolate and pull it back out to revise it as often as needed. I’ve written  tons of relationship lists (after every breakup the list was revised) and now that I’m with the most wonderful man I could ever hope for, my desire and need to write that type of list has vanished.

  

Do you like “the list”, I say? 

Could you would you with a fox? 

Could you would you in a box?

Try it, try and you may.

Jealousy is Easier

Last time I skinned up Berthoud with Tanya I was right on her tails. Today she flies up the mountain. Now that Josh has new skins–ones that work–he also thought it was ok to pass me. 

Today I decide I had really better become an exercise junkie. Starting on Monday, of course.
 

Later I ask Stephanie–the serious exercise junkie–”How much do you exercise?” I was thinking I should know how much she does so that I can do more. You know… since she has had a head start and all. 
 

2 hours a day, 5-6 days a week?! 
 

My only hope is that Stephanie and Tanya have a cold during our Canada trip.

Crock Pot and a Can of Coke, Round Two

Another client is coming over for dinner and to view properties tonight. I still have a pound of bison and one more packet of onion soup mix so I make a second round of bison roast in the crock pot. It’s either this or spaghetti.

Lesson learned: two days is not enough time between making the same meal… no matter how good it is. Although it was a success again I’m pretty sure I can’t handle a second round of these leftovers.
 

Another lesson learned: while making this dish is easy, scrubbing the crock pot clean is not.

Crock Pot and a Can of Coke

Arriving at a client’s home last week, I asked what they had for dinner. It smelled so good. 

Pot roast, one can of coke, one packet of onion soup mix, cooked in a crock pot all day.

Hey! That’s my kind of cooking. 
 

Today, after showing properties in the Highland’s neighborhood, I invite my client to stay for dinner. My first try at this crock pot dinner–bison, potatoes, carrots, onion soup mix and a can of coke–had been simmering all day.
 

Josh and my client both really enjoyed it. Phew!
 

Then, for some odd reason I felt compelled to admit that this was only the third meal I had made at the house and that Josh usually does the cooking. 
 

Geez. Did she really need to know this?
 

To my surprise and delight, she explained that her fiance is the one that does all the cooking too. Even when they are using the same ingredients, he some how creates a much better sandwich. Josh too! 
 

It has happened that while on the ski lift, poor Josh ends up eating the sandwich I made, cause I can’t stand how terrible it tastes, and he let me eat his. Guess he figures it’s better than listening to me cry.
 

I’m just glad I can now easily make a good tasting dinner for other people.

Wine a Little, You’ll Feel Better.

“So Charlie, what can we expect at this event?” Josh asks his nephew.

“Some people wash the bottles, some fill the bottles, labels are put on. There is also food but dinner isn’t until all the work is done. After dinner they have a chocolate fountain!” Charlie explains.
 

I hope they have the chocolate fountain this year!

“Which is the best job?” I ask.
 

“Well, putting the cork in but you need some strength for that,” replies this savvy seven year old.
 

After our glasses are filled with the 2004 wine we are bottling, Josh, Harry (Josh’s brother-in-law) and I are immediately given the job of filling bottles. 
 

Tom, the one who puts this together, says that there are 45 gallons of wine but actually only half of that is bottled cause the other half is consumed during the evening. “Where’s your glass?!” he demands.

Apparently, it is a faux pax to have an empty glass at this party. Tom has me taste test a beverage from a cask and asks what I think it is. “Cranberry juice!”

 

Then I taste a batch of “brown lightening”. Mimi, Josh’s sister, says she wished it tasted as good as its vanilla smell. 
 

Buzzed, I am grateful for food. Smoked ribs! Then the chocolate fountain! 
 

We are sent home with a bottle of Cranberry wine and “brown lightening”. I really, really hope we are invited back next year!